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UPDATE: BIRTH REGISTERATIONS, SAME-SEX PARENTS VERSUS HOME AFFAIRS

BIRTH REGISTERATIONS, SAME-SEX PARENTS VERSUS HOME AFFAIRS

Latest Update: ... 27 May 2010

The Baby-ventures Rainbow family embarked on the journey to find assistance and change the current Birth Registration System of the Department of Home Affairs. We have been involved since 2008 and finally the draft papers are completed and almost ready to be served. Pro.Bono.Org assisted us to find Wayne van Niekerk Incorporated that took on the case pro-bono.

Baby-ventures, Wayne van Niekerk Incorporated and the couples involved walked a long road of questionnaires and interviews to compile all the information. We are glad to report that we are a lot closer to finalise this urgent and important matter.

Papers will be served soon and a 15 day (15 court days) period given to oppose. Should any be received the lawyers in return will react to it. In the case of none a court date will be set.

The focus of the draft papers is that the law recognizes that both spouse of a child by artificial insemination are parents of that child but despite this aforementioned fact, the non-birth mother has not been able to be reflected as a parent on the couple’s child birth certificate as Home Affairs use a system that cannot register two parents of the same sex as the parents of the child. We are going forward with the suggestion to delete the words “natural father” from the particular forms used and to read in the word “co-parent”.

The draft papers also further declares Section 9(2) of the Birth and Death Registration Act and Section 40(3) of the Children’s Act No. 38 of 2005 as unconstitutional, unlawful and invalid. These requested to be changed as well to accommodate same-sex parents.

No new applicants will be accepted as it will result in a delay of the proceedings. We will keep you up to date regarding court dates etc as we will prompt the community to be visible on the day and if possible attend the court proceedings.

The Baby-ventures Rainbow Family wants to thank all the applicants for their time and effort to date to change these Acts for our children and future generation.

Please contact Lisa Sonnekus on lisa.sonnekus@baby-ventures.za.net for any further information on this case.

Birth Certificates V Same Sex Parents and their children

Birth Certificates V Same Sex Parents and their children

SA came a long way since the legalization of Gay Marriage in December 2006. All experts, including Baby-ventures knew that there will be some challenges ahead for couples going through the legal system.

One of them is the registration of children born from legally married gay couples. Prior to the legalization of gay marriage, the non-biological parent had no choice but to adopt their child born from a partnership. The system only allowed for legally married couples. The legal entity provides both parties with full parental rights. Because gay marriage was never legal, children were seen as born “out-of-wedlock”.

The gay marriage act grants both parents full parental rights when their child is born.   This has been one of the greatest benefits for same sex couples when starting a family. No adoption is necessary.

The challenge still arises with the completion of the forms, including the B-154 form at Home Affairs. This form is the application for the birth certificate. The form still only allows for mother and father. The question arises with same sex couples – who should go where and what is the complications?

Our conversation with the customer care line at Home Affairs resulted in holding on for a very long time but with a clear message that no discrimination takes place at the institute and that the form should be completed with both parties details. Submit the form with a copy of the marriage certificate and a letter explaining that is a child was born from asame-sex couple. That should be sufficient.

On the other hand, one of our members experienced a request to submit a letter under oath explaining their "situation" and was also requested to handle their application in person and not make use of any registration services.

A later consultation with a known registration service based in Pretoria revealed similar results. They handle many birth registrations for same sex couples.   According to them there are two challenges in the system at the moment.

A) On the traditional marriage certificate the man’s details will be displayed under Spouse A and the woman under Spouse B. With the completion of the form for the birth registration – this will be the order the details will be displayed as well. With a two women same-sex marriages obviously both Spouse A and Spouse B will be female.

B)The second challenge is that when the registration takes place at Home Affairs, the system will not take both ID numbers as it show two females. The system is programmed to throw out the one as it will not recognize two female entries. According to them, the only way Home Affairs can cope with this type of application, is by by-passing the system. Upon entry they will simply leave out one ID number. The system will reflect one female with ID number and the second without.

The question of any legal implications was given to two specialists in their field. Firstly we spoke to some fertility clinics that handles many IVF/AI and surrogacy procedures for same –sex couples.

The fertility expert at the clinic commented: “There should not be any legal implications as both the parties details appear on the birth certificate. Even though one ID number is not entered, a court should not dispute the fact that both parties have parental rights.” She did add that maybe it would a good idea to get a letter drawn up stating the reason (Home Affairs System) why both ID numbers does not appear on the birth certificate. This letter should be stamped by Home Affairs.

To summarize as per Pro.bono.org and our finding:

"Following the passing of the Civil Unions Act, the Department of Home Affairs (DOH) now caters in its paperwork for same sex partners by having created a document which mirrors the unabridged marriage certificate. It is call an unabridged civil union. The only difference is that instead of referring to husband it refers to partner A; and instead of referring to wife it refers to partner B."

"Unfortunately the same attention has not been paid to the changes needed in the paperwork formalise the birth of a child in a civil union. After the birth of a child, there are three documents created: a Notice of Birth, an Application for Birth Certificate, and an Abridged or Unabridged Birth Certificate. On all three these documents the particulars of father and of mother are required and appear."

"The Notice of Birth further specifies that what is required are the details of the natural mother and natural father/parent in terms of s5 of the Children¹s Status Act of 1987. [In terms of section 5 any child born as a result of artificial insemination is deemed for all purposes to be the legitimate child of the spouses.]"

"The unabridged birth certificate issued for the child born into a civil union contains the following information: the details of the father and his identity number, and the details of the mother but not her identity document. We have been advised that the IT system of the DOH is set up in a manner that it rejects the second parent¹s identity number if it is of the same gender as that of the first parent."

"What we do know is that the DOH is giving civil union partners wrong advice by telling them to by hand delete the terms mother and father and insert partner A and partner B."

"What we do not yet understand fully are what are the legal consequences, if any, of the unabridged birth certificate incorrectly labelling the gender of the parents, and of it containing the identity number of only one parent. This must be established."

South Africa is not the first country to experience this challenge. Most countries that legalized gay marriage had to adjust their forms to cater for all their citizens. Birth registrations refer now to “partners” and not “husband and wife”. But what is Home Affairs doing about this situation? To date nobody can tell us any plans made to correct or address the situation.

Until now.

The Baby-ventures Rainbow Family, a voluntary lawyers firm appointed by Pro-bono.org and Triangle Project will be lobbying this case together with one of our members. We call on our community to please contact us urgently if you are affected by the above situation. This will include any birth registrations after December 2006 and you are legally married. We are in the process of further action and want to include any additional cases.

Contact urgently or call Angela on 084 260 7474.

The Word ''Lesbian'' - Out of Interest

. by Angela Sonnekus
www.baby-ventures.za.net

Many gay women prefer to be called rather “Gay” than “Lesbian”. I must be honest - it’s one of my favorites and I am very proud to be called a Lesbian.

It divines me.
It is who I am.
In a way describes my culture and inner being.

I decided to do some research on the word and its origin and came a cross some rather interesting information.

The word itself comes from the Greek island of Lesbos. Sappho a poet and resident of Lesbos, who lived in 600 B.C, loved and adored women. She used to write love poems to other women.

Her poetry was destroyed by religious fundamentalists. The few poems that still exist today, speak clearly for her love and infatuation for women.

They are still not sure when the word “Lesbian” was first used to describe women who love women, but they do know it can be traced back as early as the 1800s.

On a lighter note. Through my research I came across a rather amusing article and it yet again, our ancestor Sappho re-appears. Its amazing how one person’s story still causes so much controversy?

Lesbos (the island) residents are also known as “Lesbians.” Just like we are known as “South Africans”. Many years later, three residents of the island Lesbos have lost an attempt to ban the word “Lesbian”. The argument was the term “Lesbian” and the reference to gay women insulted their identity.

The Athens court ruled that there was no reason for their contention and that their argument that the word did not define the islander’s identity.

The defense argued it was against human rights because of international dominance of the word and its sexual context. They also argued it causes daily problems to the social life of Lesbos inhabitants.

The court disagreed and the plaintiffs had to pay court expenses of 230 Euros. You can maybe try and understand how the islanders must feel. Someone asks “what is your nationality?” An expected answer would be maybe, French or German but hardly – “I am “Lesbian”” (meaning from the country Lesbos).

Can you imagine how many times the question-mark-face appeared? As “Lesbian” women we all know the question-mark-face.

Question “What does your husband do?”
Answer – “No – my wife.”
- Question-mark- face.

I am sure Sappho was not the “first “Lesbian”” in the world – but could maybe be seen as the ambassador of our “culture”. After all – a large majority of “Lesbians” enjoys their poetry and love sharing their emotions on paper – just like I am doing right now.

My conclusion is this: “I am a “Lesbian”.” I am proud of being called a “Lesbian”. Sappho, many years ago fought pre-justice, discrimination, religious ridicule and isolation. She must have been “a pillar of strength” and a “chick to be reckon with” if they named an entire legacy after her – called “Lesbians”.

BIRTH REGISTERATIONS, SAME-SEX PARENTS VERSUS HOME AFFAIRS

LATEST UPDATE: ...27 March 2010

The Baby-ventures Rainbow family embarked on the journey to find assistance and change the current Birth Registration System of the Department of Home Affairs. We have been involved since 2008 and finally the draft papers are completed and almost ready to be served.

Read More...

PREVIOUS ARTICLE

SA came a long way since the legalization of Gay Marriage in December 2006. All experts, including Baby-ventures knew that there will be some challenges ahead for couples going through the legal system.

One of them is the registration of children born from legally married gay couples.

Urgent Request from the LGBTI Community

GAY: (CHILD FRIENDLY)

(GAY): Child friendly

Within our beautiful diverse LGBTI community is a hidden and not really looked after segment called “parents”. As any parent we want our children to grow up feeling not alienated from their community. Be proud of their heritage and where they come from. Unfortunately within our community we do not cater for rainbow families and their needs.

The gay community should realize that many of us are parents or have the dream to become parents one day. Isn’t it about time our community sits up and take note? Shouldn’t our events such as Pride have facilities for children?

As activists for diverse families, we attended the Cape Town Pride with our child and none of the facilities catered for our needs. The events prior to Pride consisted of venues totally child unfriendly.

So we agree with our “Readers Letter” and will work even harder to attempt to make future events accessible for all the segments of the gay community and provide a space for parents and like-minded individuals. The Baby-ventures Rainbow Family will provide that space.

Readers Letter: "Our Children"

I have always wanted children for as long as I can remember.
The wish I had for having a child came true. I looked down at this gift in my arms; the thoughts that ran through my mind were “your life will have

no boundaries,
no limitations
and you will be loved unconditionally.”

You turn your head and look to the right of you;
your wife has the same stars in her eyes and exactly the same thoughts.

Two years pass and your baby is now a little boy, he has a mind of his own and a personality that leaves you in stitches. Your love for him has no boundaries.
News comes to relocate to Cape Town, my wife and I decide to make the move.
You can feel the excitement in the air, wondering what adventures lay ahead.

We make the move leaving behind our strong network of family and friends. Head off to gay friendly cape with gay restaurants, gay resorts, gay clubs, and gay book stores to name a few.

Cape Town the gay capital for sure we will meet like-minded people - there is no dought.
Six months down the line - well no like mined people.

That evening my wife reads our son a story and I tuck him in and lay a big kiss on his head. I walk to the kitchen to pack his school bag for the next day. In his bag a piece of paper with his school songs on it. Reading through it, I realize that for many of the songs there is a mommy and a daddy which of course does not resemble my family in the least,

I can’t blame the school at the end of the day that is society for you.
The following day we take our son to school. It’s an awesome school and our son enjoys it so much.

We as a family decide to go a gay church to hopefully meet like-minded people that have children and the same believes as us. After the church service we left completely disappointed and at the same time confused. The service was nice and the people were kind but coming to the conclusion that there was not one person to call like-minded.

Sitting in the back seat of the car the most precious gift god gave us. Talking at the top of his voice and staring out the window, my beautiful wife lost in thought.

It starts to dawn on you that all you have really wanted was for that noisy little person in the back seat to know families just like his. To have friends with parents just like his.

I guess as a parent when I held him in my arms for the first time my thoughts were of
no boundaries
no limitations.
And not once did it cross my mind that he might never know families just like his….

Maternity Leave and Same Sex Couples

MATERNITY LEAVE AND SAME SEX PARENTING SCENARIO’S: DO WE CREATE OUR OWN COMPLICATIONS?

You have to give it to us – gay couples really challenged legislation, policies, rules and regulations in South Africa.

We must have caught the powers a little “off-guard” with this marriage thing. They obviously did not give it that much thought or maybe not anticipated that gay marriage will actually become a reality.

This is not what the article is about. We want to talk about Maternity Leave. Once again
– we have given the system a bit of a challenge. We also found that many of our “family” has already achieved some remarkable progress and in some instances even stretched expectations.

We all bellow from “Gayville” that Maternity Leave is supposed to allow bonding time with our new addition to the family.

We wish – the reality is that Maternity Leave was specifically legislated to protect pregnant women and to continue their protection whilst breastfeeding. It specifically specifies “pregnancy”. Also, it prohibits a return to work for 6 weeks after the birth of the child (unless a medical certificate is issued that clears the mother to work).

With gay couples we either use medical intervention such as AI (Artificial Insemination) or IVF (In-vitro fertilisation), surrogacy or adoption. One (such as the case of AI and IVF) or both partners (as in the case of adoption and/or surrogacy) will not give birth to the child.

What maternity leave do we, as gay couples, qualify for in cases such as the above? According to Jaqui Perkes, Managing Director of the fair labour practice (Pty) Ltd, Maternity Leave for adoption is governed by the Basic Conditions of Employment Act. The Act does not specify adoption per se, only birth: an interpretation is that if one adopts at the birth of a child (or as soon as possible thereafter), then maternity leave should be as per the Act, viz: stop working one month prior to confinement date, plus 6 weeks leave thereafter (total of 4 months).

Effectively, maternity leave is up to 4 consecutive months. As there would be no pregnancy involved here, the mother would apply to her employer to have the 4 months from the date the baby is due to come home or, say, a week before to make relevant preparations, etc. UIF (unemployment insurance fund) also caters for an adoption benefit.

We decided to throw a curve ball and look "up close" at the situation as this pot seems far too clean. Before gay marriage became legal in SA (1 Dec 2006), the non-biological mother (partner not bearing the child) had to go through an adoption process to obtain parental rights. This will still be the case for couples not legally married.

The scenario: you have a biological mother that gives birth and you have the partner that adopts. Does that mean we get a “double whammy”?

Jaqui continues: “Technically you’re correct, but practically I think not. The reality of this relationship is much the same as in a heterosexual one, where the father would not get maternity leave, but would get family responsibility leave. Wearing the hat of “reasonable person”, I believe it would be impractical to expect that both partners in a same-sex relationship are treated both as “mothers”, despite, in this scenario, they both being female. “

What would your rights be if an adopting of a child through Surrogacy or not biologically connected to either spouse/partner takes place? According to Jaqui, as above, fairness must prevail on the part of the employer and the employee. One of the partners would thus apply for maternity and the other for family responsibility leave. One would assume that these partners have “come out” and are living their lives in much the same way as Mr/Ms Citizen and their employers would be aware of the adoption, etc.

In the case of one of the recent visitors to The Baby-ventures Rainbow Family (same-sex parenting advice portal), can we then “transfer” our maternity leave if one of the female spouses is experiencing fertility problems and the second spouse will bear the child but need to continue with her working career?

According to Jaqui you could, if your employer agrees, “transfer” the obligation to provide maternity leave, but effectively, you would be waiving your right to this leave. In law there are some rights which you have that even you cannot waive yourself, such as the right not to incriminate yourself!

In such a scenario, Jacqui would advise the person to write a letter to the employer, waiving the right to maternity leave for the specific pregnancy, but not to every future possibility because the situation could change: the relationship could dissolve and a new relationship in which the responsibilities may change could develop.

Jaqui advises that the parties in such a scenario would have to consult their employers and work out the best way of accommodating both parties’ interests in the most effective way.

I quote: “One thing to remember is that employers are not obliged to pay a salary during maternity leave: thus, in my view, the partner who earns a higher salary would probably be better off working (provided that partner is not the pregnant one).”

“UIF – obviously the claimant must be a contributor to the Fund via her employment. Claims can be made if the baby is adopted under the conditions described in the Child Care Act, is under 2 years old and cared for by you when you’re not working. Only one partner or spouse may claim and claims must be done within 6 months of the court approving the adoption.”

To encapsulate the “ML-saga”: when you decide to take on the “exhilarating” ride of becoming parents, it is advisable to decide before the time how you want to manage the process; which conception method you are most comfortable with and how will you manage the “welcoming and adjusting” period thereafter.

What roles will suite your situation and household the best?

Take responsibility for the process and accumulate your annual leave to add to you family responsibility leave. Be aware that accumulation of leave is an employer prerogative and you should always have an agreement with your employer, upfront, about accumulating leave for this purpose.

Annual leave is legislated and if your employer is amenable to allowing you to accumulate it, an agreement should reduced to writing to protect both you and your employer. If your employer agrees, it will enable you to spend time with baby and provide support to your partner.

Many employers treat these situations very fairly when informed and kept updated from the beginning about your intentions.

Should you feel that you have been treated unfairly, there are always people such as Jaqui that believe in “fair labour practices”.

the fair labour practice provides innovative solutions to both individuals and corporate clients. They consult on various issues, ranging from employment (start to finish), benefit structures, conflict management, training and development as well as assisting individuals who have limited access to the law due to financial or other (life-skills) constraints. Based in Norwood, Johannesburg, they work nationally depending on client’s requirements.

They list some large and medium-sized corporates amongst their clients, as well as countless individuals. They have a reputation of fiercely fighting for what they believe to be fair.

Jaqui Perkes, Managing Director of the fair labour practice can be contacted on:
Tel (011) 728 8733
Fax (011) 728 0441
jaquip@fairlabour.co.za

ADOPTION: ''Sometimes Love Just Isn't Enough''

When looking at the amount of abandoned and unwanted children in South Africa, it seems remarkably “easy” to adopt and provide a loving home to a needy child. If only. Perusing the cruel nature humankind has projected over time – one can understand why.
There are different types of adoption available in South Africa and should a gay couple decide to adopt a child, they should familiarise themselves with the options and make some educated decisions before embarking on this journey.

One must distinguish between two “categories” of adoption of which one is the adoption of non-biological children and secondly the adoption of a child biologically connected to one of the parents. As same-sex couples, it is inevitable that one party will not have a biological tie to the child in the second category.

Adoption laws:
In 2001 couple Du Toit and De Vos challenged South African child adoption laws and demanded the right to adopt as equal partners. De Vos had adopted the two children under the single parent adoption law 10 years earlier.

De Vos was then the only High Court judge in Pretoria. They won their case and changed the law that made international headlines and assured the rights of gay and lesbian co-adoptive parents in South Africa.

To co-jointly adopt is when both parties involved receive equal parental rights in respect the child.

Adoption of non-biological children in South Africa

When a Caucasian, same-sex couple want to adopt a baby (infant), heterosexual couples will still receive preference above homosexual couples should they want to adopt within their own race group.

The answer for this is simple: Biological mothers who decide to give their children up for adoption will select what they consider to be their best choice. Traditionally, the perfect family is still perceived as a child with both a mother and father figure.

In the case of open adoption, the birthmother will find the most suitable couple to raise the child she is giving up for adoption, rarely selecting a same-sex couple. Most social workers will be up-front and tell you this before going through an emotionally draining screening process.

It is a simple matter of supply and demand. (Not that we compare children as a commodity). For this reason, a lot of Caucasian, same-sex couples will consider adopting other than in their race. Upon investigating this, I was told by more than one children’s home that “no white babies” were available but if I want an African child, they could assist me almost immediately after the screening process. This was also confirmed by various social workers.

But why is it then that many children’s homes are filled with children but we cannot adopt them?

As per my discussion with Joan Nathanson, registered private social worker, the majority of these children have been removed from their parents for various reasons. Reasons including inability to care for the children, abuse or neglect. However, their parents remain the legal guardians, and the biological parents have the opportunity to rehabilitate and be re-evaluated by social welfare. The parent may maintain contact with the child, and the child could possibly be returned to the care of the parent at some stage.

Should a couple want to adopt any of these children from a children’s home, the parents will have to consent to the adoption. This rarely happens as children majority of the time gets removed from the parents and not just “given” to the state.

According to Joan Nathanson, should a couple want to adopt a child of the same race, if a Caucasian couple, they should be pro-active and try by all means to source their own child, possibly even visiting children’s homes to do so. It also provides the social workers at these homes the opportunity to meet you.

Inter-country adoption is again littered with agreements that majority of the time, do not accommodate gay couples. South Africa Welfare has agreements with certain countries and each of these countries has different laws in place. Majority of their policies are religious based and excludes gay couples.

When speaking to one of our adoptive parents from the Baby-ventures website, she confronted me with the question: “If you plan to adopt, should you really select the criteria of a child?” A child up for adoption is in need of a loving home – irrelevant of the race, age and culture. It did not matter to us. Love does not come in colour or race.”
Nathanson comments that adoption is permanent situation and one should never adopt a particular child just because it is politically correct to do so.

No-one can decided what is right for someone else, and if a prospective adoptive parent is not comfortable with adopting a child from a different race group, for example, she would rather that they are upfront about it than take a child who feels like a last resort at the end.

Preparation for adoption is important for anyone thinking about adopting a child. It is even more important for parents considering transracial or transcultural adoption. As long as you as a couple/or single person are aware what all is involved.

Most adoptive parents will tell you that it was never all rosy. Each adoption will bring individual challenges whether children are adopted as infants or when they are older. Whether they are healthy or have physical or psychological problems, their adoption is bound to influence their development. You need to understand how and why.

Such as the facts of life: Where do I come from? How did I get here? All adopted children need to be told about their adoption as early as possible – i.e. from birth.
With older children, who bring with them memories of a past, failure to acknowledge those memories and to have a chance to talk about them can reinforce the attachment problems inherent in shifts in caretakers early in life.

All adoptions have emotional impact and you will have to be aware of certain issues that might arise. If your child has had several homes before yours, there is often a brief honeymoon period where s/he will try to be perfect to ensure your love. But soon the sense of loss, hurt, and anger surfaces. Your child may, consciously or not, break your rules, steal, lie, or act out physically or sexually. The child's message is "I'm going to leave here anyway, so I'd better make sure I don't get too close" or "Families don't last, and I'm angry about that." The other very important reason is testing out behaviour. The child will see how bad they need to be “before you reject me too”.

You will need to help your children build trust and gain confidence that you will not abandon them. Part of that job is helping your children to develop the psychological identification that distinguishes them as individuals.

Adopt with the knowledge that the day will come where your child might have the need to search for his/her birth parents. It is important to get as much possible information about the birth parents to assist your child during this process. Even if you might feel hurt that the child still has the longing to find them after all the years of love and care. Rather be grateful that the child feel close enough to share this important experience with you and support him/her through it. The child is generally not looking for other parents, but simply to complete the puzzle.

When adoption is transracial/transcultural, keep the following in mind additional to the above:

Examine your beliefs and attitudes about race and ethnicity
You might think you are an extremely “open-minded” person and that members of your family believe in equality for all. Examine your beliefs and attitudes abouT race and ethnicity very well. Do you sometimes judge or make assumptions upon race or culture? Does your family sometimes do it.

Think about your lifestyle
Before considering a transracial or transcultural adoption; take a look at your current lifestyle. In South Africa, some neigbourhoods and schools are already very well integrated.

Look at your friends and your social circle. Does it include different races and ethnic groups? Do you visit one another's homes regularly? Do you attend multicultural festivals? Do you enjoy different kinds of ethnic foods? Are you prepared to make these changes in your life to ensure your child develops into a balanced individual? It is important for children of color growing up with Caucasian parents to be around adults and children of many ethnic groups, and particularly, to see adult role models who are of the same race or ethnic group.

Consider adopting siblings: Siblings who are adopted together have the security of seeing another person in the family who looks like them. They are able to bring a part of their early history and birth family with them to their adoptive family, which may help them adjust better. If not siblings, look at adopting a second child of the same race/culture.

As a parent of a transracial/transcultural child you will have to help your child to become a stable, happy, healthy individual with a strong sense of racial and cultural identity.

Stay clear and don’t tolerate any form of racial / ethically biased remarks
Celebrate all different cultures.
Talk about race and culture. Especially in South Africa where our history plays a large role in the development of African children.
Expose your child to different experiences to build self-esteem and self-worth. You can

For example take them to special memorials and celebrations.

Adoption of a child, biologically connected to one of the parents.

When two women are in a relationship, the party not carrying the child during pregnancy, is seen as the non-biological mother. The partner of the mother will have to adopt the child. Because a foetus cannot be adopted, the partner can only adopt the child after birth. The child will be co-jointly adopted through the Children’s Court by the couple.

The Baby-ventures website has been inundated with the same question:

“Now that gay marriage is legal, where do we stand regarding adoption for the non-biological parent?

Baby-ventures spoke to several experts in this field, including social workers, adoption agencies, and government departments to investigate the issue of adoption of non-biological spouses within a same-sex marriage. We received a couple of definite “no’s”, some “yesses” and most frequently the “now that is a very interesting question!” response.

It appears that, to date, little or no consideration has been given to how the situation will be handled or the Effects of the current law on the situation.

Given that the Civil Union and Marriage Act have only been effective since the 1^st of December 2006, the “powers that be” have not yet tackled such a case. Considering the 9 month gestation period, which needs to take place within a gay marriage, the first actual cases will probably only start to surface towards the end of 2007.

When two married men conceive via a surrogate mother, the child will biologically belong to one of the two men. Due to a third person being involved during the conception and carrying of the child, a strenuous legal procedure still lies ahead between the couple and the surrogate. This would be the case whether a heterosexual married couple or a same-sex married couple is involved. In either scenario an adoption will still need to occur.

Various scenarios will no doubt be tested through the courts and will be eventually be resolved and set certain precedents. One thing is certain however, and that is that the next generation will enjoy a fruitful life replete with the benefits previously offered only to heterosexual couples.

The Social Worker Scenario
The number one priority of any social worker is the wellbeing of the child. The placement should be based around “the best interest of the child.”

The debate goes on and will continue as long as there are conflicting views about homosexuality. Considering these different views, should social workers place children with gay men or lesbians? To make the best placement decision for children, social workers need to answer the following questions:

Is this person or couple caring, nurturing, and sensitive to others?
Do they have the qualities needed to parent a child?
What are their individual strengths and weaknesses?
How do their strengths/weaknesses compliment the needs of their child?
Do they have the capacity to nurture a child not born to them?

According to social worker, Joan Nathanson, it is important that a gay couple feel comfortable with their sexual orientation. Have they come out to their family and to society?   Are they proud of who they are as people? As a parent, having a positive self-image will provide a model for an adopted child.   Family support is very important.

In considering gay and lesbian prospective adoptive parents, sexual orientation and the capacity to nurture a child are separate issues and should not be confused in the decision making process.

Each placement decision should be based on the strengths and needs of the individual child and the perceived ability of the prospective adoptive family to meet those needs and develop additional strengths.

According to Joan, the following plays a crucial role during the social worker screening process:

1.
A strong healthy relationship (if it's a couple). The couple cannot adopt to try and save a failing relationship.

2.
Both partners must be equally motivated. It's no good if one partner is doing it to make the other one happy. They both need to be ready, and it’s helpful if they understand what their motivation is for adopting.

3.
They must be medically fit in order to predictably see the child through to
adulthood.   To ensure this, the couple/person will undergo a thorough medical
examination.

4.
They must be psychologically fit - i.e. there must be no major pathology. The prospective adoptive parents need to undergo a Psychological assessment.

5.
They must get a police clearance to show that they have not been convicted of any violent crime.

6.
She also urge couples the discuss certain matters before approaching the social worker such as:

7.
What are you looking for in terms of a child - e.g. age, race etc, and why those specific criteria?

8.
It is also important for them to assess how people close to them would feel about them adopting, and whether the child would be accepted into their circle.

9·
If they are considering a transracial adoption, they should research the matter and give some consideration to the fact that the child will not look like them, and that the adoption will always "be in their face". (A constant reminder)

10.
Finally, when dealing with a social worker, make sure that he/she is accredited to do adoption work. All social workers are registered with the Council for Social Service Professions, but a special accreditation is required to do adoption work unless the social worker is employed by an accredited welfare organisation.

For more information on adoption and to find useful links, visit The Baby-ventures Rainbow Family website on www.baby-ventures.za.net or contact Joan Nathanson B.A. Social Work (Wits).
Registered Social Worker with the South African Council for Social Service Professions.
Accredited Member of S.A.A.S.W.I.P.P
Accredited in the field of adoption.
Joan can be contacted via e-mail plan@mweb.co.za or 084 466 3790

Additional Source: Child Welfare Information Gateway

A World First: Story Books for Children with LGBTI Parents

“I am a unique child. I have two parents of the same gender. They both love me very much, and I could never ask for a better home. Up until now, there have not been any kiddies’ books that describe my family...”

In today’s society, we see more and more, every day, same-sex couples that are settling down and looking at the option of having children.

A child that has two parents of the same gender, whether born to a same-sex couple, or adopted by a same-sex couple, needs a solid foundation of love and acceptance – not only for his or her family, but also in society. This is imperative for any child, irrelevant of his or her family structure.

We tend to forget that there are other children in the world with different, yet related circumstances. There are children whose mother and father do not live together anymore, and either the mother or father now has a same-sex partner. There are children who have been adopted or born into trans-racial or trans-cultural families. And there are children with a single lesbian mom, or a single gay dad.

All children need to know that whether their parents are gay or straight, black or white, or even multi-racial, that they were planned for, wanted dearly and loved unconditionally by their parents.

BEDTIME STORIES is the first series of children’s story books in this format in the world, which is written for children in this environment. The books explain to children that their family is just as normal as the next, and that they can be proud of where they come from.

The first series of books, MY FAMILY SERIES, aims to provide same-gender parents with stories that they can spend time reading to their children. The books are written in such a way that they are easy enough for a child to understand, but at the same time instil excellent values in the mindset of the child about their gay or lesbian parents.

The BEDTIME STORIES: MY FAMILY SERIES is not only for children with gay or lesbian parents – even children with heterosexual parents can benefit from the books. Children with heterosexual parents need to be exposed to the fact that we live in a very diverse world, and by doing this children learn not only respect, but also love for others, regardless of the sexual orientation of their or other children's parents.

The concept was created by Lisa Sonnekus, well-known in the gay and lesbian community for assisting same-sex couples with parenting. Lisa runs a non-profit organisation, Baby-Ventures, through which she supports same-sex parenting and assists same-sex couples through the trials and tribulations of having children in the modern-day world. (www.baby-ventures.za.net)

Says Lisa: “Upon our quest to buy books for our son, we find many fun and exciting stories. Most - if not all, have parental characters as mommy and daddy. They are set with typical gender roles as instilled by society and media… Not that there is anything wrong with this. We just feel, as parents, that there are more dynamic family structures and would like to read a book to our son that also reflects same-sex couple situations. After all, this is his family to be proud of and to relate to in the perceived norm of society”

“The only books that we have come across to date, are children’s books focused on adopted children in heterosexual house-holds. These are very good concepts, but they are purely an educational aid for parents to explain, in story format to their child, how they got there.”

Lisa’s idea was rather a series of story books, focusing on one main character (the child) in a same-sex parent home. As in any home, it is up to the parents to guide, nurture and educate their children. The aim for the series is to assist them in a fun-filled way. The main focus is to set everyday, normal scenarios, but with the parental characters as same-sex or outside of stereotypical situations.

MARTIN’S COMING HOME is the first title in the BEDTIME STORIES series, and is a story about a new-born baby (Martin) which is brought into the world by his two lesbian mothers. The book focuses on the welcoming of Martin to his new home by his family. The theme of MARTIN’S COMING HOME is the love that his parents have for him, and his acceptance into the world as a new-born baby by his family.

The story unfolds, and describes the wishes of goodwill that the family has for the little baby boy. Eventually his parents tuck him into bed for the first time, and Martin is as content as can be - just as any new-born baby should be!

With beautiful illustrations and spell-binding words, MARTIN’S COMING HOME is, without a doubt, a must-have for any young child in today's society.

MARTIN’S COMING HOME is focused on ages 4 to 8 years old. Children like to touch books and the paper quality is very durable with colourful illustrations. The book also provides the child with a space to either draw or stick a picture of his or her own family. MARTIN’S COMING HOME is, of course, only the first book in the series, the rest of which are in the pipeline.

Says Lisa: “After all, children of today’s world will come into contact more and more with children from gay or other house-holds. It is the parent’s responsibility to teach their child about different family structures and the diversity of the world. This book provides them with the opportunity to do that in a fun-way and opens the door for questions from their child that can be explained on their level.”

Writing a series of children's books for same-gender parent families has come as natural as parenthood for Lisa. Lisa hopes BEDTIME STORIES will become an aid for all families to explain to their children about diversity

MARTIN’S COMING HOME is currently available as a soft-cover, 24 page book, and is sold on www.bedtimestories.co.za for R 85.00, including postage. MARTIN’S COMING HOME will also be available in selected retail bookstores soon.

Visit www.bedtimestories.co.za for more information, where the book is also available as an “e-book”, in both an Afrikaans and an International version.

Released by Mediabrand SA on behalf of Bedtime Stories
For more information, visit www.bedtimestories.co.za, or contact Mediabrand SA on 082 907 6447, or via email at: info@mediabrand.co.za. Lisa Sonnekus can be contacted at: lisa@bedtimestories.co.za.

MARTIN’S COMING HOME, ISBN 978-0-620-39329-4 - first edition, first impression, 2007. Written by Lisa Sonnekus, Illustrated by Marion Visser.

Bedtime Stories is proudly published by Glamorous Publications

Same-sex Parenting Interview by

Your Age And Conceiving

With today’s modern, fast track life-style, we find that woman and men only look at starting a family much later.

Individuals either focus to get their career established or find themselves not in the “right space” at a younger age to have children.

In the gay community, we will find that some younger individuals still struggle with their own identity and not ready to take on the responsibility of raising a child. Younger people of today also struggle to find themselves in a financial stable environment. ART (artificial reproductive technology) procedures are costly and need to be taken into consideration when planning a family.

So what if you want to have a child much later in your life?

How drastically will this influence your chances to conceive?

How great will your risk be and what are the benefits?

According to fertility clinics, a woman’s fertility peaks between ages of 20 and 24. Fertility really only starts declining after 35 years of age.

At ages 30 – 35, fertility starts declining slightly from the peak area with about 15-20 percent and from 35 -39 years of age, with about 25 – 50 percent. According to these clinics, fertility declines with 50 – 95 percent from 40 years old.

But then what about all the phenomena’s we read about?

Granny falls pregnant at age 62!
Woman delivers perfectly healthy baby at age 59?

Many more can be mentioned.

Looking at a woman’s reproductive system, she can basically fall pregnant at any age should there be no reproductive problems or has not gone through menopause.

Pregnancy Risk at an older age:

Miscarriage is the biggest risk with older women. After 35 years of age – your risk of miscarriage increase. These miscarriages are mostly linked to chromosomal abnormalities in the fetus and the body will reject it. Examples like Down Syndrome.

Should the fetus develop further without miscarriage, these abnormalities can mostly be detected during pregnancy and the patient will have to make the choice to carry full-term or abort.

Obstacles to conceive are mostly linked to ovulation cycles, endometriosis and problems with the fallopian tubes.

For the woman, her risk is higher after 35 to develop certain complications such as gestational diabetes, placenta previa and other.

The above only highlights the negative. Surely there are some positive factors should you want to conceive at a later stage of your life?

Sure there is. Statistics has shown (National Centre for Health Statistics) that since 1981 to 1997 – that the birth rate for women in their 40s increased with 92 percent. There is an overall increase in woman deciding to fall pregnant at a later stage of their lives.

Older, more mature woman also copes much better with bringing a child into their lives. They are in general wiser and more settled, at peace with themselves with a much higher self-esteem. This results in a more balanced individual.

So yes, age brings some challenges and higher risk from a medical perspective. But these challenges can be overcome with the right guidance from your medical professional.

When using ART procedures with same-sex couples or single individuals, medical intervening is inevitable. Your medical professional would be able to discuss all pros and cons with you. He/she will advice you the best possible route to take should you fall in a “higher risk” category.

There are many ways to increase fertility and prepare your body – irrelevant of your age. But complications during conceiving and pregnancy are not only bound to age, it can surface anytime.