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Can I buy the sperm and perform the insemination at home on my partner myself?
You can if you want, but we strongly suggest that you rather get the procedure done by a professional. Your chances are much higher of conceiving successfully if you go through a fertility clinic. At the clinic the sperm is washed, and then inserted through a long tube into your uterus, which is much closer to your eggs and increases your chances of falling pregnant. This is known as intrauterine insemination or IUI. Remember too that frozen semen lives a lot shorter than fresh sperm. Injecting the sperm into the vaginal canal at home means that it takes up to seven hours longer before they can reach the egg than if it’s injected into your uterus. Another great advantage of using a clinic is that your doctor can also time your ovulation and make sure the insemination is performed when you are most fertile. It is often difficult to track this at home.

You may also find that some sperm banks will only supply a medical practitioner at a clinic with donor sperm.

Can I make use of a donor that is known to me, e.g. a friend?
This is a personal choice. Using someone you know often appears to be an easier route than using an anonymous donor in that you know the person, your child can potentially have a relationship with her or his biological father and of course it can be cheaper. But it is vital to be aware of the possible complications:

* Legal complications – even if you draw up a legal contract with your known donor, when it comes to the crunch, the law still recognises the biological father as the father who has custody and visitation rights. There are a number of cases worldwide where using a known donor has resulted in a messy legal battle, often with the known donor winning.

    * Health Risks – it is vital that the known donor is tested for HIV and other illnesses. Remember too that to be on the safe side, the donor will need to be retested after six months during which time he should not have had unprotected intercourse.

    * Psychological issues - the couple should BOTH be very comfortable with the idea of using a known donor. Having an external third party who is now part of your family could create complications in your relationship. Remember too that the amount of involvement the donor has in your child’s life needs to be carefully negotiated. It’s important to also consider that sometimes an absent uninvolved, but know donor/father, could have a negative emotional impact on your child who might want more involvement than the known donor is prepared to give.

    * Can create complications for you and your child should a known donor who has not been around suddenly decide to make contact later in the child’s life.

Can the donor make contact with my child later in life?
In South Africa, no. The law currently states that the donor is anonymous and remains that way. The donor’s identity is protected by law and neither the child nor the donor have the right to information about each other.

What if I want to give my child the option of finding the donor when they’re a bit older?
Some countries offer what is termed an identity-release donor. In particular, sperm banks in the United States have recently made a concerted effort to increase their identity-release donor lists, where a child conceived through sperm donation may initiate contact with the donor once they turn 18. The bank facilitates this contact, and only the child can initiate the contact (not the donor nor the parents). Contact thereafter is left up to child and donor. It is purely the child’s decision to meet the donor and not up to the donor to contact the child. (Also see International Donor Selection)

Will my medical aid pay for procedures such as artificial insemination and IVF (Invitro Fertilization)?
Unfortunately not. It’s best to contact your medical aid and inquire what they will cover and what not, but fertility procedures are generally not covered by medical aids. However, depending on your medical aid, you might be covered for doctor’s appointments as well as full medical expenses after a successful conception, such as gynaecologist consultations, the birth, etc. A hospital plan will usually only cover the hospital bills for the birth but none of the doctor’s bills prior to this.

What if I want a second child later with the same donor?
You can buy the additional sperm and store it at the clinic to use later. The clinic will charge a monthly/annual storage fee.

How should I explain my sexuality to my children?
All families at one time or another will have “the” discussion on sexuality. For gay and lesbian families this can be an even more sensitive subject. However, a healthy family, regardless of sexual orientation, shares the same core values - love and respect, commitment and understanding. It is especially important when talking with children to stress what these values mean to the family and to recognise that there are many different cultures, communities and families around the world.

The Family Pride Coalition, a national advocacy and support organisation, offers several suggestions for parents discussing sexuality with their children:

Be honest about your own identity and comfort level. If you are uncomfortable, let your children know you find this hard to talk about, but that you feel it is important for families to talk about difficult things.

Listen closely to your child and when possible, let your children take the lead. Let them ask questions. Take cues about their level of understanding from the questions they ask and interact at that level. Consider your child’s age and how much information they need.

Be as clear as you can be about your own feelings connected to sexuality, coming out, privacy and family values.

Get support. A vital support network of family and friends is important for any family - adoptive, biological, one with heterosexual parents, or one with homosexual parents. Some gay and lesbian adoptive parents have found that even if their parents had a difficult time accepting their homosexuality, the parents readily accept their new role as grandparents. It is almost as if having children makes them more like mainstream families. (Welfare Information Gateway)

Also Read: Parenting Issues

Do I still have to adopt my child since gay marriages are now legal in SA?

Good news: Since our earlier comment on this question, there has been some interesting developments. It seems that all is clear and no adoption will be necessary when you are legally married for the non-biological partner! This is ground-breaking news. Baby-ventures knows of two couples that had no problem at Home Affairs to BOTH be registered with equal parental rights.
PREVIOUS ANSWER TO THE ABOVE Q: A couple of factors will play a role:
If the child was conceived prior to your marriage having legal status – Yes the non-biological parent still needs to adopt the child.
Because gay marriage received legal status as from the 1^st of December 2006, Home Affairs has not yet received a case where the child was born inside marriage of same-sex partners. The legal opinion to date is that an adoption does not have to take place as the law will automatically recognise the non-biological parent with full parental rights. Some social workers are optimistic and say an adoption procedure will still need to take place. The jury is still out until such a case reach Home Affairs.
Also read: Gay Marriage and Parental Rights

Published on: 2006-07-28 (1018 reads)

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